Edward R. Kenzakoski III
It is not the length of life, but the depth of life.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
If there was one soul in this world that lived deeply it was Ed Kenzakoski. Everything he was involved in was a passionate and spontaneous adventure. His life was a journey overflowing with dedication and persistence. Tasks that “average” people would give up on were challenges to Ed. He successfully completed and would persevere through anything and everything placed in his path. Courage came naturally and fear did not exist in his personal philosophy of living.
When Ed was born, a great adventure began. He touched the heart of everyone close to him and continued to do this throughout his lifetime. During his early childhood years he amazed everyone around him by hopping on a bike at nine months old, climbing towering trees at just a few years old, and becoming a great little wrestling champion when he was five. Ed always needed to be at the top and explore the Universe around him. He possessed an incredible mind, heart and soul. Ed knew no limits from the very beginning. He did not worry, he did not fear; he was simply a special and unique human being who innately knew that life needed to be lived spontaneously and adventurously in the present moment.
As Ed grew up he touched even more people around him and engaged in many more activities that he enjoyed deeply. He adored nature and spent as much time as possible communing with the outdoors. He was one with the natural world. The great outdoors was his limitless playground. Whether it was hunting, fishing, quadding, or just sitting in the woods; nature was his home.
Ed simply loved life. He loved and cared for everyone around him and would give his life for his loved ones. Passion for everyone and everything was Ed’s existence. Work, fitness, family, friends, and the entirety of life, lived within Ed’s heart and he expressed it in his own way in everything he did.
Now that Ed has departed this earth, you may think that something has changed. But, for those who knew and loved him, we are sure he is living even more of an adventure watching over us, making sure we are safe, and encouraging us to live life as passionately and courageously as he always did. Ed continues his journey and invites all of us to live our journey as deeply as possible. Ed lives on; feel him, love him, and listen to the message he lived in his passion-filled years.
A Message from MOM
My One and Only Son. My Heart and Soul, My World, My Everything.
I was lost walking this Earth until you found me, and now almost 24 years later, I am lost once again. You lived so fully in the Now and didn’t allow the past or future to cloud your mind. You enjoyed your life fully, but one day your overwelming pain took its toll on your heart and you left this world and me, so quickly and tragically. The depression alone didn't cause the end; it was the alcohol that you chose to help cover that pain. All you could think of or feel was the pain at that moment. You felt helpless and had to escape the torture. If only you would have talked about it and accepted some help. If only........... I'll have "if only's" running through my head for the rest of my life.
To all the readers:
Please! For me! And for every mother, father, grandparent, sibling, best friend, cousin, aunt, uncle, fiance, husband or wife, if you suffer from depression or any psychological disease don't try to mask your pain with alcohol or drugs. Please find it inside your being to talk to someone and find the help you need, so you can keep living in this precious moment. I have no more Now with my son, all I have is the past which I am truly grateful for because they are wonderful memories. They are wonderful all because we did live in the Now and enjoyed our time together...I'd give anything just for one more Now!
This book you have in your hands is very special to me and my whole family. I want to thank all of my friends and family who helped to make it possible. My son’s memory will eternally live through it. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart!
Truly enjoy my Brother's newest book that your about to embark on. Pass it on and share it with the entire world. Most importantly, always remember that Now is truly all that we have!!
In honor and memory of my son, Edward Raymond Kenzakoski III
His Mother Always, Sandy.
“MY SENTENCE”
Bad night
Fighting, Drinking,yelling
Sooooo tired….wanna sleep
Same old…nothing new
Or so I thought
Wake to fluttering heart???....Again????
WON’T think, WON’T open eyes
NO!!!!
Morning……work….
Heavy
Sluggish
Sad
Worried
Call..no call back….must be at work!
Work
Soo Heavy
Not right?????
Radio plays…”Simple Man”
NO!! My HEART DROPS!!!!
THE phone call
Never should have answered
THE call that ended my life
WHAT?? HUH?? WHAT???
NO!!!! NOT TRUE!!!!!
Shock
Numbness
ABSOLUTELY NOT, NO WAY
Not to him
Not to me
Want to wake up from this nightmare
Wake up!!
Wake up!!
S……..L……EEEEEEE………P………..
June….no memory
July……oh Ed’s Bday…….cant remember???
WON’T remember
TURN IT OFF!!!!
2 months gone….where?
How? When? What? Why?
I awake
My cruel reality
No
No
No
Still No
Cannot…will not accept it
Want to go back to sleep
Waiting…waiting…..
Waiting for what???
I don’t know????
Waiting to die
Want to die
Can’t do this
Won’t do this
Hate this!
I want my life back!!
Not fair
Why me?
My only baby
I have nothing
I’am nothing
Nothing matters
No hope
No future
Just nothing
…Now I know…
that strange flutter of my heart
That woke me
That horrible, black night
It was my heart
Being ripped from my body
Leaving this world
Along with my son’s
Where it belongs
Hollow…….
Please God..Take me
End this agonizing pain and nothingness
Neverness….
Busy
Keep busy
Fill every minute
School
Work
Study
Test
New job…for my new life??
Well..you can have it
Beautiful dream
Peaceeeeeeeeeee
Light
Healing, serenity
GONE! PAIN BACK!!!
He’s gone
Never coming back
Help…cant breathe
Up
Down
Sad
Lost
Angry
Aching
Laugh…..feel no joy
Cry….feel no relief
No one
Nothing can help
They don’t understand
Can’t be fixed
Broken forever
Too shattered to be put back together
Tick…Tock…..
Days
Weeks
Months go by
I somehow walk through
Don’t know how??
Good work
Heal others
Channel all that I have
Fill the void
That hole in my universe
No..nothing helps
Comes right back
Can’t put it away
Crashes into me
…knocks me over
……crushes me
No more
No more Mother’s day
No more being a Mom
Never be a grandma
No more vacations
No more Holidays
Living in the Land Of Nothingness
NO…not living…existing
All I ever wanted
To be a Mom
Ed’s Mom
All taken from me
Hate this new life!
Who am I?
What am I?
No meaning
I want my old happy life back
How much longer?
How much more pain?
Until my heart can smile again
Until I am with my son in eternity
…..and be able to hear
That most beautiful word
…………MOM………????????????
